Tag Archives: Birth Story

The Free Birth of a Sun King ~ Baby #4

Posted by Dec 29, 2017 birth stories
The Free Birth of a Sun King ~ Baby #4

The story of Odin begins about a year before he was born, when his spirit appeared to me in a dream while teaching the Mystical Mama YTT in Guatemala.  I dreamt that I birthed a son, that he had olive skin and dark hair, and that I walked around Lake Atitlan holding him in my arms. It was a vivid dream, being that my fertility was returning and knowing that JP and I were open to welcoming another child into our family. Although the dreams and visions in this particular place in Guatemala are potent, I couldn’t believe that I could actually have a boy child, seeing as how I had had all girls so far!

I became pregnant in March, when we returned to our home in Canada and immediately after returning from Mexico.  I had just spent two weeks teaching a yoga retreat, but also receiving abundant sun, nourishment, friendship and introspection. It was at the end of this retreat that I decided to let go of my ‘yoga business’ and focus inward on developing my gifts and following my inner guidance. I was feeling quiet and internal, peaceful and open.

When my moon cycle didn’t come that month, I knew! I spent the first 6 months of Odin’s pregnancy mainly in the quiet and peace of our home at Wild Berry Farm. It was new territory for us, a new home, so I took great joy in watching the land bloom, in working the gardens, in delighting in my children’s play, in collecting herbs, in swimming in the lake, in soaking up wimyn’s circles and gatherings with my friends and just indulging in life’s pleasures…in every way. I felt internal and contemplative, but also very beautiful and feminine, full of abundance and vitality. My dreams were ever vivid and I spent a lot of time journaling, processing, going for long walks, practicing yoga and staying nourished.

At the end of August, we left our home for Scandinavia, the norse land of Denmark, for JP’s work. I always knew that this baby would be born outside of my community, as Szerafina was.  What was different about this birth, was that it was to be just myself and my husband and children.  I knew that’s what I was being called to do. It felt very right, very natural. It did require a level of inner work that I hadn’t done before, and I certainly relied on my community of wimyn from afar.  At a particularly vulnerable time, I received a dream in which I was shown a Bear, which a dear friend helped process with me. The She Bear births alone in her cave, in strength and courage. Bears can also signify the birth of a boy. It was the first time I received Bear medicine and she offered me warmth, comfort and wisdom. I felt very loved and adored. JP took great care to support me in having my time to care for myself and baby each day, truly the greatest gift a partner can do. There was never a doubt in his mind on what we were doing, I had his full faith, love and trust. It was really the ideal place to have a power birth from, for me.

Szerafina came at 40 weeks and Selah came at 39, so I was sure Odin would come between this time as well! I was completely surprised to reach 41 weeks and another full week to 42. ‘Due dates’ are guesses and babies come when they’re ready….it’s all part of the Great Mystery. However, I have to admit that I was beginning to get impatient, encroaching my 42nd week.  I woke up the morning of December 22, just after the Solstice, looking first at my altar and then feeling my belly…still pregnant. JP took the girls out grocery shopping while I cleaned our place. After vaccuuming, I took a shower and sat at my altar for a quiet meditation and rest before my family would return. I began as I always do these days, with a mantra gifted to me by a sister and by calling in my guides, spirits, friends and ancestors. I then laid down for just a few minutes when I felt the soft release and wetness of my waters give way.  I was curious, as I was only feeling mild practice contractions, similar to what I’d been feeling over the last weeks and months.

I got up to change when JP and the girls walked in. Selah was half naked because she threw up all over herself at the grocery store!  I told JP that I think my labour had started and he began putting things away while I helped Selah down for a nap. I stayed in the bedroom with her, as sensations were coming now, strongly and steadily. It felt really good to stand up and move my hips through this part. Things were intensifying, so I decided to get into the shower, where I shifted from standing to squatting as the warm water washed over me. JP came in to periodically check on me, but I preferred to be alone at this point. I couldn’t feel a head, although each wave felt a bit ‘pushy’. I got out of the bathroom and returned to my cave, squatting and on all fours, feeling so taken by the labour process. At this point I wanted JP in the room, to be close to me. This baby was coming, fast and furiously and I wasn’t holding back. His head felt so big as it was emerging that I questioned what part of his body was coming out first!  When his head was born, I reached around to feel and I shouted at JP not to touch me or the baby.  It wasn’t JP, it was Odin’s body working his way inside me to turn so that his shoulders and body could be born. I could feel every little kick and squiggle as he maneuvered his way out. I went from all four to a squat and pulled his body up in front of me – he immediately let out of strong cry (the girls never did!) and both JP and I saw he was a boy! A SON! I wasn’t totally surprised…as I had other dreams indicating such, although I did assume she was a girl all along.

He was so vital, so alert and beautiful and alive, with dark hair and tiny dark eyes and gorgeously coloured skin. I fell in love with his heart shaped mouth and button nose, his large hands and skinny feet. All 8.5lbs of his perfect self. His sisters came in to marvel at him, to coo over his tiny limbs, then left the room to finish watching their movie 😉  I love that birth is a normal part of their existence. Born just 2 hours after I began my labour (although truly my body had been preparing for weeks) this was my quickest birth yet. It was also very wild and intense, primal and instinctual. It took me a few days to transition, for the reality of this baby’s birth to sink in and for my body and spirit to integrate the experience.

Odin is named after the Norse God of knowledge and wisdom, the all-father who rules over Asgard. He was named by his father, and I think it’s a perfect fit. The Sun King, born in the light of the Winter Solstice, of the earth element, this Capricorn has made me a Queen, once again.

 

The Homebirth of Szerafina ~ Baby #1

Posted by Oct 16, 2017 birth stories ,
The Homebirth of Szerafina ~ Baby #1

Remember what you came here for.

This is what our midwife said as she placed the palm of her hand on Szerafina’s forehead. Leaning over our intertwined resting bodies, she smiled. With an exhausted body but amplified mind, I was able to lay with my new daughter at my breast and husband by our side.

The story of Szerafina, really begins with the story of Maeve, the name we gave to the very first baby girl that I carried in my womb for 12.5 weeks before she decided she couldn’t stay. We were living in Hungary, freshly married and on the verge of a cascade of adventures in foreign lands. I didn’t remember, yet, what it was to trust my body and the pregnancy and birth process. I had many early scans with this first child and ultimately a D&C (Dilation and Curettage procedure) that was dramatically devastating. On my healing journey, I came to a belief that there had to be a better way to experience coming into motherhood. It was divine timing, how I came upon the two women who would walk with me for the next year or so of my life. These women who spoke English in an almost entirely Hungarian speaking country, who were kind, knowledgeable, generous with their time and skills and who set me on my path in natural, autonomous and empowered mothering. I have so much gratitude for the brief yet poignant time that Maeve grew with me, she was the catalyst to my life as I now live it.

I knew almost nothing about homebirth at this point. JP and I would drive to the midwife’s house in the countryside and she would serve me herbal teas from her apothecary, ask how I was feeling, inquire about my relationship to my own mother and how she gave birth to me. She asked if I had fears, what I wanted for this baby and wanted to know what I was nourishing myself with. It was ethereal, familiar, emotional…yet still so far. JP briefly hesitated when I mentioned the prospect of me giving birth at home, only to fully offer his support as my warrior and solid ground very swiftly and confidently. The politics were messy, as usual. It was considered illegal to homebirth but I had entered the portal. There was no turning back.

On November 29, 2009, I had awoken somewhere between 7 and 8 that morning, finally rising out of the warmth of our bed after an evening of light sleep accompanied by mild discomfort and the three routine trips to the bathroom. I ate my breakfast slowly and with curiosity as I wondered if the somewhat rhythmic tightening of my uterus was of the regular Braxton-hicks variety I’d been experiencing rather frequently. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

I glanced at the clock when the numbers read 10.30am. I called our midwife to let her know my sensations were regular and she told me to call her back when they were ten minutes apart. I timed them for an hour and was surprised to discover that they were already three to four minutes apart and lasting anywhere between forty-five to sixty seconds long.

Feeling calm and focused, I wrapped myself in warm layers and began slowly rotating my hips on a birth ball. Apparently it wasn’t cold, but I was chilled to the bone and unable to stop shivering. JP came home from work to find me breathing steadily and meditating on the distant world outside our bedroom window. He stayed with me through a few of the stronger waves, when an unexpected and forceful gush of warm liquid burst all over the birth ball and floor – my waters released! I called our midwife who was on her way and she said I could get into the pool if I wanted (I wanted!). She then asked me a question that threw me off, she asked if I had felt the baby move. I was in such sensory overload that I couldn’t differentiate what was happening within my body. In a small wave of panic I asked JP to listen for the steady beat, as he was accustomed to doing almost every night before bed. He did and after a few short seconds he assured me that our baby was well and strong. I didn’t doubt him for a second.

Our doula arrived first, followed by our midwife who entered the space without disrupting the trance, the dance that was yielding with or without my consent. They bore into my eyes, into my soul, and in an unspeakably powerful way, I felt protected and safe.

They didn’t ask me questions, tell me how to move, touch me or even check my ‘progress’, they simple readied themselves to bare witness to our experience. Yet, as I stared out the window and felt the cool autumn breeze against my wet skin, I wept with the thought that this was the truest unadultered raw state of beauty I would ever experience.

I cried.

I cried as the sky was an overwhelming grey streaked with vivid purple hues. I cried as I allowed the tears to wash away layers and allowed nature to bend me at the knees. I cried at the unknown and the fear of knowing.

At this point I needed something, I wasn’t sure what. My husband guided me to the birth ball at the suggestion of our midwife, to help bring Szerafina’s head down the birth canal. I gripped him hard as the scent of cedar essential oil washed over me, feeling the skilled hands of my doula working rhythmically into my lower back.

I felt her squirm and move to help herself down my uterus. The next few hours were intense, I felt pain, but I felt powerful.

When I was ready to push I instinctively layed on the floor on my left side and I remember being very direct with everyone, telling them where to stand, how to hold me and where to apply pressure. I felt fear, but once I initiated the pushing with confidence, my body took over with overwhelming force. The rest between pushing contractions was unbelievably good. Her head appeared, then her body all at once.

She was calm. It was dark and not a cry passed her lips. She was placed directly on my chest and it was a few moments before I even knew if I had just given birth to a girl or boy! She latched onto my breast with ease and we lay there together in the same spot on the floor for two hours, undisturbed. We were in love, we were in awe.

I remember the moonlight as it cast a knowing glow into the bedroom window and onto the bed where we lay. We were wrapped and woven into the fabric that connected all human beings gazing at that very same light, at that very same moment.

Giving birth was more than having a baby; it was a right of passage, the chance to experience transcendence, see God, to feel what ‘oneness’ meant. In that instance, for the first time in my life I didn’t question what I had come here to this earth for. In that fleeting moment, everything made sense. I had a glimpse of knowing, and am forever grateful.